Peace Is Somewhere Inbetween

Often times I feel alone in my journey for my soul mate – this is with the assumption that I have one at all. I’ve made the mistake one too many times of assigning a role for someone of which they were never meant to play.

Banking on the potential I could have had with a guy, I would dismiss the anxiety-filled moments and cried dramatically when things didn’t turn out the way I expected.

I’m still working on practicing non-attachment, releasing expectations, and clutching to the present moment.

But it’s crazy to think that I could feel so alone in a journey of which most songs are written about. Thankfully, I’ve started to feel like my young self again, not jaded by love and fully present.

Why don’t we start each day with a new slate? Learn from the past, do not live in it. Plan for the future but do not look to it for fulfillment.

It’s all said easy.

But what happens when a thought crosses your mind and instead of letting it pass, you hold onto it, making it apart of yourself? What happens when you can’t see the beauty of the present moment and constantly try to escape from it? What happens when you feel as if freedom will only come in the future?

As many times as it has been said, this too shall pass.

The bad, painful moments will only be a memory one day. And in knowing that I’m not the only one who has my “what-if, should have could have” moments, I take solace in knowing that the resource will be there when I need it.

The present moment provides me all I need.

I’ve disguised my need for a partner with statements like, “I want somebody to enjoy my life with,” “I’m happy by myself.” But if that was truly the case, I wouldn’t be so fixated on the outcome with a potential partner. The thoughts consume at times.

I’ll line up a checklist: career – making steps toward realizing my goals, fitness – workout 5 days a week, friendships – continuing to keep them healthy and thriving, self – consistently working on accepting myself, and then I come to relationships and feel a void.

“When will it my turn, will it ever be?”

I’ll wallow in it.

Peace is somewhere in between allowing myself to feel every present moment and surrendering to it as well.