Smashing My Expectations

Recently I shared an interesting, and fun night with a couple of friends and found what it truly means to be able to have fun anywhere, doing anything with the right mindset and the right people. It was my friend's sister's birthday and as we first walked into the club, it was very apparent that our parents could have easily been dancing right next to us. It was definitely an older crowd, but I still found myself laughing and having fun by the end of the night.

That night I put to test my experimentation of dropping my expectations. So, I didn't walk into the club with any expectations of what the night would present. And I had a pretty damn good time.

Now if I had walked in expecting the club to look a certain way, the crowd to look a certain way, and there to be a certain ambiance present, I may very well have been let down.

But by dropping my expectations and simply going with whatever the night had in store for me, I had an amazing time.

Taking this a step further, I began to wonder, what would happen to my life as a result of no longer having expectations but instead rolling with whatever waves life tossed at me?

Well, first, I stopped taking things for granted. When things are good for me, I appreciate them that much more.

Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance. ~Unknown

Second, expectations work against us not for us. How many times are we sad, angry, or upset only to find out this is due to some unmet expectation?

When we drop expectations, we welcome opportunity into our lives.

We are free to observe and do as we please.

And as for me, I no longer need to wait for someone's action so I can have a reaction. I can instead simply be and let them be.

Too many times we're wrestling with the shoulds and regrets of life, but when we drop our expectations of how something should have been, we welcome in lessons learned.

We are able to flow with the rhythm that is life instead of constantly fighting the rifts that may come our way.

When I was initially dealing with my most recent heartbreak, I expected one person in particular to be there for me and she didn't live up to that expectation as I would have hoped. I expected her to check in on me and to possibly take me out for a night of dancing to at least distract myself a bit and that just didn't happen.

Upon some self reflection and speaking with my therapist, she helped me to see that I never actually communicated to that person  how I needed her to help me get through the tough time. I'd contact her and say something small, try to make plans, and when she couldn't make time for me, I felt rejected. However, on my part, what I should have done was in addition, communicate why I needed to hang out. I needed to be open about it and just say, "Hey, I'm really hurting right now and if we could hang out this week, I would appreciate it."

A small switch in my communication would have helped me to not feel so let down and would have helped my friend understand how she could best help me.

Had I dropped the expectation that my friend would be there for me the way I wanted, and instead communicated what I needed, things most likely would have turned out differently and I wouldn't have been disappointed.

It's still fresh - this whole no expectations thing - and I'm still finding the balance between expectations and acceptance but in the little time I've implemented this philosophy into my life, I've noticed myself smiling more for no apparent reason and the ability to take the lows in life with as much grace as the highs.

Instead of settling into expectations, settle into acceptance, trusting that life is working for you not against you.


My Farewell to 2014

For some time I couldn't bid a fair adieu to the year 2014 because my recent heart break interfered with my ability to reflect on my life, months prior. Thankfully I'm now in a space where I can finally look back on 2014 and not just see the tail end coming to a close with me crying myself on the bathroom floor.

Dear 2014,

Woah. I just, wow. This was the year I showed the most consistency probably ever in my life. I had two goals: find out my life's purpose and to lose 30 lbs and while I didn't exactly accomplish both, what I accomplished left me feeling much more empowered than I could have imagined. So let's take a look back shall we?

It started off with the completion of my first ever juice-only cleanse. I was dead set on making a healthy lifestyle change and with my nutribullet in one hand and my gym membership in the other, I did just that. I averaged 5 days a week of working out, green smoothies are my typical breakfast, and water has become my preferred drink of choice. I started finding therapy in cooking and finally got to a place where I love, appreciate, and honor my body.

As for my life's purpose, I'd bring in each morning in January listening to another interview in the series of I Am Enough. I came to find that who I am and always have been is enough. In turn, I came to see my intrinsic value and while I tossed back and forth with my life's purpose I came to this simple thought: my life's purpose is to live ON purpose. My life's purpose is to weather the storm and not fight it. And once that became clear to me, it didn't matter the career I was dead set on beginning in March 2015 was no longer a career I envisioned myself, because the experience itself taught me more about what I do want out of a career - it taught me more about what I want out of life.

I achieved some milestones in my life:

  • Launching my blog and blogged weekly
  • Staying consistent with my YouTube channel by posting weekly and launching a VLOG channel
  • Having my very first client
  • Gave two talks about Life After College
  • I turned 25 and had the BEST birthday yet! Yeeee!
  • Became closer than ever to my family
  • Completed two juice fasts
  • ANDDD continuously challenged myself by setting weekly goals with my accountability partner

There were definitely a lot more highs this year, unlike the year of 2013 where I felt pitted against a battle almost daily, I took 2014 into my hands and made it into a year I could mold and learn from. I wouldn't change anything, including the heart break towards the end of the year because I know now that life is happening FOR me, not TO me and with that I brought in 2015 with some friends feeling stronger and more hopeful for my future than ever.

I've set my intentions and things I'd like to manifest in my life for this year:

  1. Meditating everyday
  2. Journaling in my notebook at least once a week
  3. Completing A Simple Year Course
  4. Accepting myself and loving who I am
  5. Filling up an empty jar with good memories for the year to read on my 26th birthday

I'm excited for my journey ahead and take peace in knowing that I have the power to live the life I've always wanted to, anytime I choose to. My happiness no longer dependent on external things, I've smashed happiness barriers and I'm able to see the silver lining in every situation.

I look to the past for lessons learned and to the future for inspiration but most importantly, I look to the present to keep me sane for the past is simply present moments gone and the future is simply present moments that have yet to come.