Oh how good it feels to be wrong sometimes. Here I was, unable to recall our last conversation but pretty sure it ended on a negative note. Maybe that's why he hasn't texted me back? I fretted. I worried he was done with me and the upsetting part was I couldn't even remember what was last said.
I even went on his social media earlier and seeing that he had been back home some time ago and didn't reach out to me, was upsetting and I took it as confirmation that we were through.
But last night we sat sipping drinks and him providing me with the insight I had been longing for. He told me I was one of the few people that could affect him. Knowing him as long as I have, that has a lot of implications. It was such a melodic conversation filled with so much vulnerability. Without being prompted, he explained to me how he was back home a few weeks ago and thought of reaching out to me but chose not to because he wasn't sure if he had the emotional capacity to do so.
I was speechless.
For awhile I had felt I would never be enough for him. I felt like I couldn't be all that he wanted. And that bothered me. Now, I've more so accepted that maybe he would never be enough for me and the last few times we spoke, I kept trying to place him into a role that he's not meant to play.
As soon as I let go, last night, he came forward. Revealed to me how I can bring him to a place of vulnerability and how he's still attracted to me.
I sat stunned for awhile because just a few days ago, I thought he wanted to forget me. My senses were completely off. I was just grateful to end the evening with his embrace and back on the right foot.
I don't know where or when he and I's story will end. It's a bit complex. And every time we speak which is only about 3x a year and see each other only once a year, it's like I'm meeting him all over again.
It's something so unnerving yet refreshing about my dynamic with him and I'm curious to witness how it will unfold.