Back Again

2 years ago, I returned from my holiday break nursing a heartbreak. I spent the majority of it in bed, weeping and allowing my emotions to overtake me. Now, 2 years later, it's not nearly as intense, as it wasn't days of crying, more like moments in time.

I'm in the process of letting go my feelings for someone. And sadly, the ending process hasn't been as clean cut as I'd like. I'd told him once my feelings are over for him, I may never want to speak with him again. He wished me well in my life and hasn't been responsive since. So I'm trying something I haven't before. Instead of pushing him to talk to me, I'm letting the situation breathe for a couple of months. I'm also putting my feelings, worries and fears in a box to the side until I reach out to him again. It's no purpose in spending the first part of the new year or any other time of my life sulking in a situation that cannot be handled until later.

I know what I said and now I have to stand in the consequences. I can't berate him to talk to me for my own peace of mind. I have to be able to maintain a sense of peace of mind despite my life situation.

My life is not my life situation.

So, it's 2017, it's day 1 of being back to work and I'm ready for a change. Last year was pretty stagnant in terms of growth. I felt like I was just running in a hamster wheel - going nowhere, fast. So this year is about growth. I will intentionally push myself to do things I've never done. Starting with sitting in my discomfort of not knowing if he and I will ever speak again, branching out to making consistent healthier eating choices, and opening myself emotionally. I know all of this will be tough but it'll be worth it. Training for and completing a Spartan race taught me that I am much stronger than I could ever think and with the support of family and friends I can get through any obstacle life tosses at me.