Just Around the Riverbend

It's Fall time again or Autumn as I like to refer to it. Well not really, it's still 80 degrees down here in SoCal. I'm seeing a pattern that every time this year I either meet a new guy or I'm in the process of having to let one go.

To be even more precise, October is the month of boo thangs for me. I thought I'd be more disappointed when ol' dude said he may not be able to make it out here for a trip but then I was reminded of how many other disappointments I've faced with men in my life and brushed it off my shoulders.

After all, this time 4 years ago I was having the worst trip of my life in Seattle with a guy wouldn't commit to me. The pudding was in his good morning beautiful text to another woman following our first evening together.

Nothing quite surprises me anymore.

I know the pain is temporary and in a sense, I am grateful for the all trials and tribulations I've been through because it's shown me the endurance and resilience I have to go through whatever and bounce back stronger.

Every struggle, I've learned, is preparing me for something bigger.

Heck, last Friday, I had one of the most grueling workouts I've faced this year. You see, I'm training for my first Spartan race to be held December 10th (it's an early bday present to myself as my bday is December 15th) and that means pushing myself through the next level of workouts.

It means testing my mental stamina and strength.

Because it's not that I can't push that sled, it's not that I can't run that one last 200M, it's what thoughts will I listen to that tell me I can.

So it's similar in these smaller situations where yeah sure, he can't visit for sure but maybe things will change where he'll have the opportunity. I'm not so much focused on that as much as the bigger picture. And I say this not to downplay any disappointment I may be suppressing - I have a habit of suppressing my emotions - but instead to put things into perspective so that instead of flying off the handle at him, I can accept this and move forward knowing something better is just around the riverbeeeennnnddddd (pochantas reference anyone?).

I just don't want to spend this autumn crying is all. I want to enjoy the change in fashion and makeup and march forward towards better days.