27 is a cool age. I think I'm falling into it better than 26. Sure it's closer to 30 but I have to wonder why the age of 30 has such a negative connotation to it. It's not even middle age.
Unfortunately I dealt with anxiety as is a recurring theme on my birthday. What frustrates me the most is I seem to be the only person in my group of friends to feel this way. I hate that no one can relate. And it irks me even further that I can spend the rest of the year in my peaceful bubble satisfied with my life only to have to sit with dread on my birthday. If I could speak to it, I'd say something like:
You're not wanted here. Go away! I enjoy my life on a day to day so why are you here? I spend so much time evaluating and re-evaluating my happiness in life, the things I need to work on and practicing gratitude, so why are you here? You have nothing to teach me, let me enjoy my birthday in peace!
It's got to be something I'm missing.
There has to be a lesson from this I haven't quite figured out yet.
Thankfully the anxiety didn't hit as hard last year. I knew that keeping things small with just a few friends would help but I'd expected it to eradicate all of the dread.
So my birthday was bittersweet. Sipping mimosas and enjoying a day at the spa is only so much fun with anxiety in the pit of your stomach.
This year kind of dragged, in mostly good ways. For once I didn't feel like it swept right on by but at the same time I kind of question what I did this year. Maybe a list will help:
- Ran a Spartan Race
- Started a car sessions podcast where I discuss some thoughts that crossed my mind while at work https://soundcloud.com/lexidarcel
- Started the Kickback podcast with my friend Big C https://soundcloud.com/thekickbackpodcast
- Practiced acceptance
- Traveled to Thailand
- Wrote in my journal consistently
This year I'm ready for change. 26 was about consistency and now 27 is going to be about growth. My goals:
- Focus on being a light to others
- Write an e-book
- Save into my emergency fund
- Clear away my emotional unavailability
- Take care of myself more - consistent massages, facials, and healthy eating choices
Even as I write those goals, I feel more refreshed. I'm just ready for a change. A change in career, in mindset, and home. 26 may have just been OK but I know I will reap the benefits in age 27.