Sometimes I miss the simpler times, when my only issue was a boy not liking me. Now I'm counting the days until my annoying boss retires (5 weeks)...oh yes. I have to fill up my weekends to have something to look forward to.
This weekend it's Henny Palooza. I just did this in March, deja vu!
I can't seem to center my thoughts but Monday was odd. Maybe I was just tired from Camp Flog Gnaw. I started crying for no real reason, I was just frustrated with everyone and everything.
There's this guy (when is there not) who is a trigger. He's triggering that voice in my head that says I'm not good enough. I spent too many times at Camp Flog Gnaw trying to pitch opportunities for us to meet up and everything landed flat. It's embarrassing. I erased the texts. I might have erased his number as well. I'm like that with guys who trigger me like this.
Once I've established by my own way of thinking that they're not feeling it, I want nothing more than to run away. Because seeing someone you're attracted to, flirt in front of your face is just not my idea of fun.
Ideally, when I see him again this weekend, as he'll be a part of our group, I could give him that half hug that we politely give to everyone, get my shots of Hennessey and not think twice.
I just don't want to find myself in a puddle of my own tears from the voice in my head taunting me.
I'm over training.
These last 3 weeks I have literally had to drag myself kicking and screaming to this damn hot yoga class and to RUT camp.
"Oh this will be relaxing," I thought when I first tried hot yoga, "I'll be able to get deeper into my stretches." But after the 50th time she told us to lay down in our own puddle of sweat and get into savasana, I was done. I never wanted to come back.
My arm muscles have become so damn big that my 3/4 blouses no longer fit. My left shoulder may have a rotator cuff problem and if I hear my instructor yell at me to get into the red heart rate zone one more time, I'm going to lose it.
I am worn down and just want an escape. On the bright side, because there will be construction on my work site, I can telecommute tomorrow.
I'm taking all the crumbs of joy I can get for right now