It's been a month since I left my job and I feel fucking amazing. I'm still in this transition period of leaving behind something that was so familiar into the unknown. I spent 6 years at that job and much of it I questioned my value, the days I sat with my co-worker listing pros and cons and trying my best to not accept the mediocrity as my destiny. As my work environment became toxic it was clear it was time to go.
God had me all along.
I had applied to a job earlier in the year, got the interview, and didn't get the job. Initially I was confident I'd get the job. The job posting and my current work aligned so well. I envisioned what leaving would really look like and went through the surprising sadness I would have for leaving behind certain coworkers. And then, when I didn't get the job, I had mixed feelings. I was disappointed for about a day, thought to myself "welp hey at least I still have a job, if not this, then better," I quickly moved on.
Then shit started getting progressively worse with certain individuals at my job. They questioned how many hours I was working. Seriously though, if you're focused on your job, you wouldn't have the time to worry about me. So who really wasn't working their hours....? It was clear that the 2 particular people felt a way about my role and just as I was going to confront each of them, I got the job offer. And it was "fuck this shit!" that shouted from the belly of my mind.
It was winning the job lottery. The job that initially turned me down, came back and say hey actually we have another opening, are you open to it? Here I was having jotted down so many times what my ideal working environment would be and I was given just that. I stated over and over I wanted to make a specific dollar amount and when the recruiter stated to me the amount, I was stunned. I can't recall the last time I was so...damn can't even find the words. I was elated and grateful.
Grateful to get the fcuk out of that environment and to finally receive what I knew I deserved.
Now having been with my new company for a month, I have enjoyed it. I spent the first week in shock and in imposter syndrome - a foreign concept to me. I had always gone after what I deserved and at some point would achieve it but this was the first time where I started to get paranoid. A job that pays me well, short commute, great coworkers, great benefits, and free lunch EVERYDAY. What's the catch I wondered. Where is it, what is it and how will I manage it? Was I really good enough to do this work?
Sure, with anything in life there's going to be things I don't necessarily care for. But maybe it doesn't have to be this dramatic thing. There's so much positive, it's like I'm wired to believe that there has to be negative to balance it out. But I'm choosing to ride this wave of positivity as long as I can because this 5-minute commute has me on Cloud 9. Much of time was spent surviving my last job, now it's time to thrive.